


bad at love

by atinywooyoung



Series: First Milestone Drabbles [9]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:01:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25408837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atinywooyoung/pseuds/atinywooyoung
Summary: Finding your soulmate was never a priority for you, especially not at such a young age but life sometimes likes to throw variables your way to disrupt the fine equilibrium you created. They said once you touch your soulmate, their presence will forever linger on your flesh. You’ll feel what they feel, you’ll experience what they’ll experience. Then one day, you find him and he’s the last person on Earth you’d want to spend the rest of your life with.
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Reader
Series: First Milestone Drabbles [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1840264
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	bad at love

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  **❖ WARNINGS: mention of death, graphic depictions of sexual intercourse, swearing, dirty talk, blowjob, handjob, fingering, shower sex, penetrative sex.**

_It happened when you least expected it, all at once and far beyond your control._

Once, you had been a kid and that kid had been happy beyond belief, that kid had been lucky to be born out of love and to be constantly cherished by their parents. That kid learned early on what soulmates were and how beautiful their world was.

That kid went to school feeling full of pride for being the fruit of such perfect love and unlike others, that kid didn’t need to be taught that soulmates were something destined for everyone, that it was something natural and beautiful to yearn for, that it was the culmination of someone’s entire life on this planet because, that kid, knew all of that already because they lived inside that world every day of their life.

So when you were told that many do not find their soulmates in time, that they end up dying alone feeling regret for never finding each other, for missing out on the chance of finding their true love, you did not believe it, you didn’t want to believe it.

But then, you grew up and in an instant, your life was thrown upside down. In the split of a second, everything changed and that true love you had been yearning for since you were barely an adolescent, became something you’d rather never have, never find.

They say that when you touch your soulmate for the first time, their touch will forever linger on your skin. You’ll feel what they feel, and they’ll feel what you feel, forever connected.

You were told that this sensation was beautiful, heavenly even, especially when kissing each other or making love to one another.

But that lingering touch doesn’t bring just love and bliss with it, no, it also brings pain and suffering. Simply, _everything_.

So what happens when the love of your life is dying and you can’t do anything about it whilst experiencing every second of it? What happens when their pain becomes your own, multiplied by the knowledge that you are losing them? Who mends the hearts of those that remain? _Nobody_. Nobody can.

So one day, all of a sudden, you weren’t someone’s daughter anymore. You were alone, desperate and abandoned in a world that only told you lies, that wanted you to search and find something you no longer desired to have for then you knew, love will hurt you and betray you even if you are destined for one another. 

Love is nothing but a _lie_.

With that new conviction, you went about life as a completely different person. You had been an advocate for love, you had spent most of your early life dreaming about it, aching to find it and now, you were simply existing, trying to accomplish yourself in every aspect of your life except for that one. 

Second-year in College meant you simply had far more important things to do than even think about finding your soulmate—or even regular love, for that matter.

Juggling between assignments and exams was already exhausting enough without having to add a relationship on top of it all.

Friendships were enough for you, mingling every now and then was enough for you and not finding love was for you a choice rather than a misfortune.

But then, one day, that choice was ripped away from you and the reality of your predicament hit you with the force of a hurricane.

It had been a day like many others, seemingly blending together with the rest of your full week. You were huffing and puffing in frustration over yet another argument with your classmate Choi Jongho when destiny decided to add salt to the already open wound.

If there was someone in the entire campus you absolutely despised, that had to be _him_.

You met him for the first time on your very first day of school and ever since, without fail, he got on your nerves whenever you two shared a class together.

Choi Jongho looked like the very epitome stereotypical jock but, on top of that, he was annoyingly smart and he carried himself with a certain aura of superiority that made your hands itch every single time.

Choi Jongho _was_ , in fact, an athlete and he always made sure everyone knew it, not missing a single chance to show off his strength. Simply, he wanted every single soul to know that his words could hurt you but his fists could hurt you even more.

He was a boxer and according to everyone, he was a pretty good one and had a promising future in front of him.

It was irrational, but you hated his guts. He was brilliant, he was athletic and he was also good looking and honestly, nobody should be allowed to be all of that in one package, especially if they’re going to be a little bit of an ass about it.

So that day, after fighting again in front of the whole class, you stormed out of the room as if your body had just caught on fire and for whatever reason, Jongho decided to follow you.

He was being particularly insufferable that day and maybe you were being just a tad bit too irritable as well but either way, your fight kept going on in the hallways to the point you were almost yelling at each other, gathering quite the group around the two of you.

“You should really get laid, ________, you’re so on edge lately, girl.”  
His words shouldn’t have provoked you that much but they did, reeling you further to the point you were almost seeing red.

“You’re such an asshole, Jongho,” you sputtered, pushing him away from you with all your might.

_That was the moment when everything changed._

The world collapsed all around you and you were left breathless, staring at him with wide, terrified eyes.

The moment you touched him, your body responded as if catching up on fire and you knew, instantly, that it was _him_.

The sensation of touching him lingered on your fingers, the warmth left from your hands on his chest felt almost scolding on your very own.

“ _No_.” You said back then, shaking your head frantically as he stared back at you just as shocked, “This has to be a joke.”

Of all the people on the entire planet, of course, it had to be him. The only person you ever felt like you truly hated, _that_ was your soulmate and no, you were not going to accept it.

The days went by with him trying to talk to you, his eyes turning into those of a puppy whenever he got sight of you, making you absolutely sick to your stomach.

His whole attitude changed the moment you touched him and you hated him even more for it. How was it that a little shove could change his heart so much? 

He had no problems showing you his animosity before and now, now you were supposed to believe he could be madly in love with you?

Well, Jongho wanted to at least talk about it, figure it out but you, on the other hand, didn’t want anything to do with him.

You started skipping classes where you knew you’d inevitably meet him, you started avoiding parties or social gatherings where he could possibly be present. Basically, you locked yourself in your room and refused to talk about it with anyone around you.

You were not going to accept it, ever. Your mind was made up, you didn’t care about his feelings or what stupid destiny said about the two of you. You and Jongho will never be a thing, an item, a _couple_.

The sole thought made you nauseous, to say the least.

So the days turned into weeks and eventually, he stopped trying and you felt like you could breathe again. But that didn’t last very long because one day, while you were sprawled on your bed trying to study for your upcoming exam, the pain arrived.

The air was knocked out of your lungs as the sensation of being punched to your guts hit you full force.

You gasped for air, trying to sit up as Seunghee—your roommate and best friend—jumped from her own bed to rush by your side.

She kept asking you what was wrong but the problem was that you had absolutely no idea. The pain you were feeling was beyond something you ever experienced before and it kept coming, making you dizzy and breathless.

Blood fell from your mouth and Seunghee screamed, terrified by the way you were looking at her, grasping her hand in your desperate search of help.  
Just as quickly as it came, the pain stopped, leaving you suddenly numb on your bed, your body aching as you cried all your tears onto the cover, trembling like a leaf.

That day, you truly experienced what being linked feels like. That day, Jongho had one of his matches and that pain, it was an amplified mirror of his own on the ring as he got himself cornered and almost beaten to a pulp.

That pain was your destiny from then on and now, alongside anger and frustration, there was fear. You never wanted to feel anything like that ever again but, just like with anything else related to your soulmate, you simply had no choice.

It took you two weeks to recover from the experience, to try and accept it as your new way of life and then, you found out about his next match and fear ruled out everything else once more.

So that day, against your better judgment, you decided to go and see for your eyes what you were going to feel anyways.

So you were sitting there, in the midst of the crowd, your knuckles white around your knees as you stared at the ring with utter dread.

You had never attended a boxing match before but you had seen some videos online and, of course, you had felt it on your skin already so even then, when the ring was still empty, you knew what to expect.

You gulped down heavily, sweat dripping down your back as you studied the people around you, the bets that were being made about who was going to be the winner, who was going to reach the semi-finals of this competition.

You didn’t know what to make about those bets, you didn’t know who the opponent was or how _strong_ he was but you were there, wishing with all your might that Jongho could win this and not for him, but mostly for yourself.

It was egoistic, sure, but you had never cared about him before, why should stupid destiny decide how you should feel about someone all of a sudden?

The announcer suddenly took his place in the midst of the ring and immediately, your heart started pumping faster in your ribcage.

You were chewing on your bottom lip unconsciously, your eyes big and full of fear as the man smiled at the crowd, a microphone in his hands as he welcomed the audience.

_It was time._

The crowd was already going wild all around you, screams filling the room as the first contestant appeared.

Wearing a blue cape, he walked towards the ring as if he owned the place and by the excited screams all around you, you thought he just might.

His hair was black as coal, eyes fixed on the other end of the room as if he were a lion, searching for his prey.

Those eyes were sharp and focused and they made a shiver run down your spine in fear. You were not ready to feel that agonizing pain all over again but you had no choice but stay there and endure it all at the best of your abilities.  
Wasn’t this the reason you showed up anyway? To see who was doing this to you, or rather, _him_? Wasn’t the desire to know what it looked like that prompted you to seat amidst that crowd?

You couldn’t back away now, you couldn’t run away and forget all about it because even if your eyes were blind to it, the rest of your body will never be again.

In that moment, you wondered how he did it. How he could endure it so well to come back again for more and just keep fighting and fighting over and over again, regardless of what it did to his body.

As your thoughts drifted towards Jongho, he appeared at the other end of the hallway, his eyes matching the ones of his opponent.

He was focused, not a single ounce of fear emanating from him as he walked through the corridor with such assuredness in his steps it left you wondering if he was sure he was going to win this match already.

There was something different about him, in that moment. The aura surrounding him was different and in a way you could not explain.

He had always looked too sure of himself in your eyes, always adamantly fighting for his own beliefs and you found that infuriating to say the very least but, in that context, it was almost reassuring.

You shook your head, fighting against your own thoughts and the way they seemed to turn tender towards the boy—something you couldn’t afford, at all.  
His cape, in stark contrast to the one of his opponent, was fiery red, just like the flames that seemed to dance inside his focused eyes as he mounted the ring, rolling his shoulders to get the blood pumping in his veins. 

Suddenly it felt like too much, too soon. 

You were no ready, for any of that and yet you were glued to your seat, gripping it tightly with your fingers as they tossed their caps away to face each other and finally begin the so-coveted match. 

Your mouth felt dry, almost as if sand got stuck in there, making it hard for you to gulp down or even breathe properly.

And then, the bell rang and they started moving at once, their feet and fists almost too fast for you to keep up with any of that.

Mind reeling, body leaning forward, you found yourself praying with all your being that Jongho could finish him off quickly, bring the victory home and call it a day, at least for a few days and surprisingly, that aching desire was not completely revolved around you.

The sudden realization sent your thoughts spinning and you almost threw up right then and there because what if… what if you couldn’t fight it? What if him being your soulmate meant you were going to end up loving him, regardless of your true emotions towards him?

What if your hearts were forever bound together and you had absolutely no say in it?

You couldn’t breathe, panic shooting right through you as your vision started to blurry but then, everything stopped for a second, the air knocked off of your lungs forcibly to the point you thought you were going to pass out in front of everyone.

_Pain._

You grasped your stomach, chocking out some spit as you tried to catch your breath.

Panic-ridden eyes filled with tears shifted from the ground to the ring then and in an instant, you knew what it was.

Jongho was there, in the corner, his opponent standing tall above him as his fists reached everywhere they could touch and that he could not protect.

You twisted on your seat, fighting against the need to run away, escape this pain however possible whilst knowing you would never be able to put enough distance between you and the scene before your eyes for it not to hurt.

How did he do this? How could he endure all of this?

It hurt, it hurt so _fucking_ bad.

But while you sat there, barely containing the pain, Jongho instead was reacting, he was pushing him back and then he swung him once, twice and his opponent crumbled for a moment, under the unexpected strength of his attack.

You allowed yourself to feel some relief as the pain started to subdue but you let your guard down and maybe, maybe so did Jongho because next came the splitting pain of a punch landed on your face, _his_ face.

You watched Jongho’s head swing to the side, you watched the blood running down from his split lip and then, you felt the copper taste in your mouth, you felt the sting and pain that came with it, you felt the tears run down your face as you reached out a quivering hand over your skin to feel it under your digits, expecting it to be bruised and tender.

You winced in pain as you pressed those fingers on the warm skin and you wondered how long this bruise was going to stay there? Because last time, it had taken a full week for the bruises to heal and disappear without leaving a single trace behind except the memory of it all.

Jongho fell to the ground, barely able to protect his face as his opponent towered over him once more. That time, he was reaching everywhere, battering the tender skin to the point you felt like you or he might pass out.

Your stomach hurt, your ribs hurt, simply everything in your upper body _fucking_ hurt.

You were crying amidst the crowd, sobbing even, twisting in your seat as you pointlessly grabbed yourself to try and contain all the hurt and make it better, make it disappear.

But of course, you _couldn’t_ because that wasn’t your pain, it was his and his only but you were forced to endure it because of him.

He could do that to himself if he so desperately wanted it but why did you have to go through it too? _Why_?

You didn’t want anything to do with any of this, not then, not ever again. You just wanted it to stop, to just fucking _stop_.

So you screamed.

You ignored the weirded-out looks around you, you ignored the people asking you what was wrong, if you were okay—which of course, you weren’t—you ignored everything except him.

Because your wounds would heal soon, the pain would subdue and reduce to barely anything in a couple of hours but what about _him_?

You were just a broken mirror, a twisted reflection of what he was going through and for the first time since you met him, you felt bad for him. You felt sorry. And _worried_.

The buzz around you died down along with your painful scream and amongst the many strangers’ faces turned towards you rather than the ring, you could only focus on his.

He had spotted you as well amidst the crowd, his eyes big with shock, his mouth hanging open for a split second before he swung back-up on his feet, gritting his teeth as he caught his opponent off guard.

Whether your scream had anything to do with it or not, Jongho seemed to have found new strength to keep on pushing, to tower over his opponent and conquer it like he knew he could. Like he always did.

He had been the prey up until that moment, barely landing any hits on the running champion of the tournament but in an instant, with fury pouring out of him, he had turned into a beast, into the lion looming over the lamb.

The rage erupting from Jongho all at once distracted you from the pain giving you reprieve as you astonishingly witnessed his victory.

His opponent fell on the ground and failed to get up and before you knew it, before you could even grasp what just happened, the announcer was lifting Jongho’s fist into the air and he was looking at you again, his eyes questioning your presence there quite evidently. There was confusion written all over his features when, instead, happiness should have been there for his own success, for his hard victory.

You gulped down heavily as, unable to sustain the eye contact, you shifted your gaze on your hands, still tightly grasping your shirt atop your sore stomach.

As Jongho left the ring—his coach right next to him, an arm swung over his shoulders to pull him into him with the most dazzling smile on his lips—you felt the need to reach him, talk to him, see him up close. It was a desire so strong you didn’t even realize you had stood up to follow him until you caught yourself running down the stairs to reach his changing room.

Security was lined up around those hallways entries to make sure all the athletes were safe and not in danger by any means—something that had happened in the past quite too many times for them to take any chances anymore.

That was how you admitted it for the first time. At their question, at their rightful inquiry, you found yourself unable to answer with anything that wasn’t the utter truth.

“I’m his soulmate.”

It was a simple word, one that everybody knew and understood, but it felt as heavy as stones rolling off your mouth. It felt like a death sentence.

But you said it and if the sincerity in your eyes was not enough, the signs of battle on your face certainly did because there was no doubt, they looked the same as his.

You found yourself walking through a long white corridor then, searching for his room without knowing where to go, where to look.

You felt lost but not just because the path you were walking on was new and unknown, you felt lost inside as well, thorn between what your mind was telling you to feel and what you were _actually_ feeling.

You had no idea what you were going to say to him or do once he was standing in front of you and a part of you did not care. You just wanted to see him and that sudden pull had your thoughts reeling with fears for what it all might mean for you and your future.

What was happening to you was a mystery to yourself as well, the only thing you knew was that you needed to see him and make sure he was alright, that he was going to be ok, in the end, and that…

Your steps came to a halt in front of a door, the man you saw escorting him earlier standing there, his ear pressed to his cellphone as he laughed with accomplishment with his interlocutor.

 _Here_.

The thought filled you with dread, nervousness, fear and something else you did not have the courage to name, not even in the secure depth of your own consciousness.

Once more, your body moved before you could even think about it, before you could stop yourself and turn around, forget you ever wanted to actually talk to him for the first time in forever.

You slipped past his coach, his eyes landing on you for the briefest of moments before he got distracted by his phone call once more. 

Was he reckless? Or did he just not dim you enough of a threat to stop you and ask who you were? Or maybe he just trusted security that much. You didn’t know but you were glad because even then, having to admit the truth out loud a second time in the span of barely a few minutes seemed like too much.

So you mustered all the courage you had and pushed the door open with your trembling hands. You didn’t know what you were expecting while taking that first step inside the room but surely it wasn’t finding yourself face to face with Jongho.

It felt overwhelming all of a sudden. Standing in front of him, the man that was linked to you by fate, the man you’ve hated for most of your permanence at that College, the man you had avoided for entire weeks like the Plague.

“What are you doing here?”

His voice was rough as he looked up at you from his seating position on the bench, his eyes cold instead of fiery then, a towel pressed onto his lip in a way that almost made you hiss because you knew, for a fact, that it hurt.

You flinched but not at the subtle pain but his words, the way he had spoken them and the underlying hate you could see in his gaze. Of course, you could not blame him.

“Are you ok?” You asked instead, ignoring his question altogether while taking a few steps towards him, your hands balled into fists to stop yourself from reaching out to him and _touch_ him.

You were scared. Scared he’d recoil from your touch like you did with him the very first time your hands had brushed against him, you were scared it would make the link between the two of you even stronger, you were scared of what your heart would feel if and when you did.

“Since when do you care?” He almost spat those words at you, his voice tight with anger as he pointedly looked away from you, shaking his head in what you could only assume to be disbelief.

The truth was that in his voice, you could sense something else that wasn’t anger. It was hurt.

And _that_ hurt, it was not the physical type but something akin to a broken heart and of course, it was because of you. Because you didn’t even stop and think about giving him a chance, because you avoided him all this time not caring one bit about what he was feeling, because you were selfish and up until that moment, you had never thought about the fact that _you_ were his soulmate, not just the other way around.

“Don’t be like that…” Your voice sounded softer then, barely above a whisper as you stopped on your tracks, your bottom lip trapped under the vice of your teeth.

“What are you doing here?” He asked again, tilting his head to the side to address you once more, his face suddenly devoid of any emotion. He was shutting you down completely, not offering you a single glimpse of his thoughts and true emotions and a chill ran down your spine as you looked at his expressionless face.

Did you really hurt him this much? Was that all of your doing or was it part you and part your history? You didn’t know and, honestly, you were scared to know the answer to that.

“I wanted to see if you were ok,” you said, shifting your gaze to your feet as you started torturing your hands unsure whether you should speak your next words or not. Would he even accept them if you did?

Still, you said them because, in a way, it felt like your last chance of doing so.

“I… I just want to take care of you,” the words almost burned on your tongue. They felt absurd even to yourself but shockingly enough, they were the truth and you couldn’t hide it from yourself nor him. You had run down those stairs with just one purpose in mind: see him, talk to him, make sure he was ok and if not, _make sure he will be_.

“Mph, well now that is rich, coming from you.”

He laughed. Jongho laughed at your words but there was no hiding the bitterness in it all and it made your heart drop all the way down to the pit of your stomach.

So you sighed, in defeat, your hands flat against your thighs as you took another step forward. You didn’t expect it to go smoothly but it was proving to be harder than you imagined but still, of course, you could not find it in yourself to blame him for all of this. You knew, even then, it was mostly all your doing.

“Can you just shut up and let me look at your wounds, please?” You spoke those words a bit too forcefully than you intended to while cutting your distance short between the two of you. Still, it seemed to work as he looked up at you once more, almost surprised by your sudden shift in attitude.

Before he even had the chance to retort something, you were crouching down in front of him, taking the cloth away from his hands and pressing it on top of his split lip yourself.

Jongho flinched a little as you did so but still, he didn’t utter a single word. In fact, he was surprisingly perfectly still, letting you do whatever you wanted to him which felt like a first. Ever since you met him for the first time, you hadn’t agreed on a single subject. He always had an opinion to share and it was _always_ the stark opposite of yours.

“Does it hurt a lot?” He asked after a few seconds as you started tapping on the battered skin to make sure the blood was completely dried down.

You furrowed your brows in confusion, your eyes lifting to meet his intense gaze. Shouldn’t have that question left your mouth instead?

“What… what do you mean?”

He shook his head and sighed before scratching the back of his head, suddenly clearly uncomfortable as he shifted his gaze from your face to the ground as if he couldn’t even stand to look at you any longer.

“Your bottom lip is split too, you know?” He said then, almost turning small in his broad shoulders, “And you screamed earlier when I was getting beaten to a pulp.”

“Oh,” your hand stopped moving as you found yourself searching for his eyes, your bottom lip trapped again under the vice of your teeth, “Yeah, it does…” You whispered then, forcing yourself to resume your work as if all of that didn’t matter at all.

“So it’s true then, that you’ll feel everything your soulmate feels, eventually? That whatever happens to me, will happen to you too?”

It is true. All of your life, you had seen it with your own eyes. The beautiful and, after a while, the bad.

You had been touched by the horror and then you had found the stories of thousands of people that felt what your mother felt, lived what you lived and the desire of finding the one disappeared then. Were the good and pretty memories worth all the hurt? You didn’t think so.

“Is that why you’re here?” He asked then, pulling you away from your thoughts.  
“What? What do you mean?”

“To ask me to quit my career as a boxer?” His gaze moved back on you but this time, there was no sign of the boy you had seen a few moments before. He had been erased and replaced by cold eyes and a firm tight line on his lips.

You snickered at his words. _Of-fucking-course._ This was the Choi Jongho you knew, this was the boy you hadn’t been able to stand for almost two years and he had reminded you of it all with a single phrase and the fact that you were even surprised by his words made you feel like the stupidest girl on the entire planet.

“You’re such an asshole, Jongho.” You spat out the words while getting up on your feet, the cloth you had used on his split lip now lying on the ground, right where it felt your heart was after his words.

It felt stupid to be hurt by them but you still were because sure, you hadn’t shown him your best side at all but to believe that of you? That you weren’t even capable of doing something nice for anyone that wasn’t yourself? It stung and it made you angry that it did.

So you turned your back on him, anger seeping out of you as you balled your hands into fists willing your feet to move so you could get away from him for good.

“Am I wrong?”

You heard him get up from his seat, you felt his hand around your wrist as he spun you around and even though your mind was screaming at you to get away from him, to leave the goddamn room and leave it all behind, his gaze locked you into place, the desire of a proper answer shining brightly in his onyx irises.

“Yes, you’re wrong, you prick! I should have never come here, let alone try and be a fucking nice human being.” You felt the sting of unshed tears in your eyes and you knew they were glossy as you stared at him feeling as small as a kid in front of a giant. It was so stupid and it made you even angrier, especially at yourself, because why did it matter all of a sudden? Why was what Choi Jongho thought of you so fucking relevant? And why did it _hurt_?

“You know what? Fucking forget it, I’m out.” You added, pulling your arm away from his grasp so you could leave the goddamn building and never come back.

“Can you really blame me for thinking that? You avoided me for weeks when all I wanted was to talk to you, fucking figure out things together because I don’t know if you noticed but I’m into this as much as you are, ________, and I don’t have any fucking choice either!”

You turned around to face him once more, rage written all over your features as it boiled hot inside of you, filling you whole to the point you thought you might combust then and there. Of course, the worst part of it all was that you knew he was right.

“What did you want me to do? Be happy about it, about _us_?! Did you think I was going to jump up and down, hug you in the middle of the hallway and declare my love for you all of a sudden?”

“Of course not but we could at least talk about it like normal human beings, for the love of God. This is not going away, even if we don’t like it and we have to figure things out, we don’t have any choice.”

You were screaming at each other and you had no doubt people could hear you outside in the hallway but in that moment, you did not care one single bit.

All the frustration and pain and anger were all coming out of the both of you in that final moment of confrontation you had been avoiding for so long.

You snickered at his words, rolled your eyes as you shook your head knowing perfectly well you were being obnoxious. 

How was it possible for you two to be destined for each other? _Clearly_ , fate did not know a single thing about how love worked because even a blind person could have seen what a mismatch you two were.

“Let’s just pretend we never found out. Let’s fall in love with other people, have kids with other people and live our lives apart.”

The words left your mouth before you could stop them, before you could even process them and dread filled you whole as you took in the shocked expression on his face, the way his lips were moving as if he was talking to you while not a single sound came out from his mouth.

“Do you… do you mean that? _Do you really mean that_?”

He was hurt. You could see it in his eyes, you could see it in his features, in his defeated stance but most of all, you could feel it in your heart and it scared you even further, making you dizzy to the point you thought you might fall on your knees and pass out. Was the connection getting stronger now because you were in the same room? Or was it growing naturally and that was how it was going to be regardless of what you two desired?

A lump formed in your throat and you shook your head a couple of times to clear your own thoughts.

“I don’t know,” you admitted and he snickered at you, shaking his head in disbelief as he threw the towel that was around his neck on the bench in evident defeat.

Your mind kept telling you to leave, to take this as your cue to close whatever you had initiated yourself by going there in the first place but your heart kept your feet planted on the ground.

“I’m bad at this, ok?” You said, hands shaking, breath laboured as his eyes fixed on you once more, confusion written all over his face, “I’m bad at love and relationships and shit like that. I don’t know how to do this, I never wanted this, never!”

“________, this not a fucking exam you can study for. Nobody knows how to do this shit, you just try and see how it goes, that’s how life works.”

Suddenly, there were tears in your eyes. He was pulling out of you so many hidden thoughts, so many concealed memories and truths you thought you had moved on from. Clearly, you were wrong.

So your façade came undone right then and there and before you knew it, you were pouring it all out: the interminable fear, the dark past and the pain that came with it, your entire soul bare for him to see in all its broken glory.

“My parents were soulmates,” you whispered and the words felt venomous in your mouth as you spoke them, a few tears escaping your control as your bottom lip started to quiver.

“When I was fifteen, my dad and I got into a car accident… a truck didn’t stop at the light and caught us at full speed,” your voice trembled then, the painful memory making it hard for you to breathe or even focus on him and your surroundings. Your eyes moved from him to your feet as if looking at him was unbearable as you spoke those words for the first time in forever, telling him a story you had never told anyone else before.

You had never spoken those words out loud, not even once, and doing it then, with him, it felt odd, painful and… _liberating_.

“I was severely injured but my dad… my dad passed away that day.”  
A sob erupted from your mouth as you remembered waking up in the hospital a few days later and find out he was gone, that he had been taken away from you forever and you were never going to see him again, that you weren’t even going to get the chance to say goodbye one last time.

You heard Jongho take a sharp breath and it made you wonder if he could feel your pain then like you felt his earlier when you hurt him with your words.

“My mother felt everything, she felt him slip away from her second by second until there was nothing else to feel,” your eyebrows knotted together as you struggled not to break into million pieces in front of him, your lips quivering as you found it impossible to keep on going with your tale, to relieve a single second more of those terrible moments.

And then, his hands were on your shoulders, pulling you into him until your face was flat against his bare chest and you could feel his warmth surrounding you, _protecting_ you.

The touch felt foreign yet somehow it felt like your entire life you had been waiting for that very hug, for someone to know your story and be there for you like that, let you break in their embrace and be weak for once and grieve without feeling ashamed for it.

“She felt him dying, Jongho, can you imagine that?” You whispered those words, struggling to push them out against the lump stuck in your throat and in response he hugged you even tighter, pulling you into him until you found yourself hugging him back, desperate to keep him there so he could hold all the pieces of your heart together and not let you crumble and disappear inside your own despair.

“I’m sorry, ________, I’m really sorry.”

You could tell he meant it by the pain in his voice, by the way his lips felt against your head as he placed a tender kiss on your hair. Something you would have recoiled from even a few minutes before but that felt like what you needed the most in that moment.

“She was never the same after that,” you said, voice turning small as your hands closed into fists around him so you could pull him into you even more, “And neither was I.”

You let out a long breath, closing your eyes as you pushed the last truth of your quivering lips.

“After that I promised myself I would never look for my soulmate, that I’d try to live a normal life and find someone else to love and to love me back… I’ve been so scared all this time, Jongho, so _fucking_ scared and now, now here we are and I don’t know what do I… I—” a sob erupted from your mouth and you found yourself completely breaking apart in his embrace.

You thought he might say something, you thought he might let go and tell you he understood and that he didn’t want anything else to do with you, with someone so evidently broken and scarred but Jongho did none of these things, instead, one of his arms moved from around your shoulder to the small of your back whilst his other hand cupped your head to pull you into him further as you cried all of your tears.

Minutes ticked by in deafening silence as your loud sobs turned into small sniffles and eventually reduced to soft whimpers and then into nothing at all.

By the time you had calmed down you felt completely drain, you felt like days had passed since the start of the match and most of all, you felt more confused than ever.

Because it felt good to be held like that, it felt _right_ for your heart yet your mind was still struggling to process the fact that you were being held by Choi Jongho and that now he knew all there was to know about you, all your darkest secrets and you were the one willingly offering them to him.

As your grasp around him loosened, he let go of you just enough to be able to look inside your eyes whilst his hands moved to grasp your shoulders almost as if he were afraid you’d run away if he even dared to let you go.

“I’m sorry about your father, I really am. And I am sorry about what you had to go through but, _________, _we_ are not _them._ ”

“I know that but I—”

“I understand, believe me, I do but even if we don’t want it, we cannot change this, we can’t change what we are now and even if we decide to live apart, _this_ ,” he motioned between the two of you and the link that had bloomed between your souls as fate wanted, “it’s not going anywhere and we will still feel everything.”

He was rational where you were emotional and though you knew he was right, it was still hard to accept it and work around it knowing you had no other choice, that you couldn’t run far away enough for it to disappear.

“I’m just asking for a chance, that’s all I want.”

When you uttered that word, “ok”, you did not know what to expect, you did not know what the future would look like, you did not know that, just like that, _your journey began._

* * *

Three months have passed since you walked down this path for the first time, your heart beating frantically in your chest back then as much as now, even though for very different reasons.

This building has turned familiar at this point, in fact, you have been here more than you expected you would but tonight it’s different.

Tonight you were not supposed to be here because he asked you not to come because it could be the pivotal point of his career just like it could be the very end of it.

He was trying to protect you those past few days when he told you he didn’t want you at the match, that it was not going to be a pretty sight. At least if you were home he didn’t have to feel guilty about the pain he was surely and inevitably going to put you through.

He was doing it for you but it stung nevertheless when he said he didn’t want you there and it still felt stupid and incredible that it did because three months was all it took for your feelings to bloom, for them to turn into something far different from what it used to be.

So earlier today, you fought and yelled at each other because you didn’t want to comply to his wishes since you went to every single match after that fated one and it felt ridiculous to miss this one, especially considering how important it was.

You refused to understand him and he refused to understand you and in an instant, it felt like going back to what it used to be between the two of you. In the span of a few minutes all the progress you had made in those three months, all the sweet words and the kisses seemed irrelevant in front of the depth of your differences in characters.

So when he left banging the door behind his back, leaving you inside your room feeling mad and defeated, you decided not to show up. If he didn’t want you there so badly he was ready to put your relationship on the line for it then so be it. You were not going and not because he asked you but because you didn’t want to show up an put effort in for someone that did not appreciate it.

Hot tears stung your eyes but you refused to let them fall on your cheeks because you felt like the stupidest girl on the entire planet. You never wanted this, you didn’t want a relationship, especially not with him and here you were, on the verge of crying because you felt like your feelings had grown faster and bigger than his did and it _pained_ you.

So you turned on your favourite show, you got yourself a nice bag of popcorns and decided to ignore any Jongho-related thing for the entire night.

Of course, that turned out to be impossible the moment the first hit came, bringing the usual pain with it.

You were somewhat used to it but that didn’t make it any easier. You tried to breathe normally, to calm your heart and ignore it but it kept growing and growing and growing until it became unbearable.

It hadn’t been this bad since that first match you felt against your skin those three months ago and despite your previous resolution, you found yourself putting on a jacket and rushing to the car before you even had time to process any of it.

It was too much, just too much. There were tears in your eyes as you rushed through the streets, your breath was laboured as you manoeuvred through traffic to get there as soon as possible and the more it took to get to him, the more anxious you felt.

How was feeling it without seeing it better than witnessing it with your own eyes? This way you had no way of knowing what was happening, if he had lost or won, _if he was ok._

So now you are running down the familiar hallway, your steps echoing through the silence as you reach the door to his changing room and swing it open so you can finally set your eyes on him and be reassured that he is alright, that everything is going to be ok again.

But as the door hits the wall, you are met with nothing at all. He is not there just like his coach was not there to greet you as usual.

Panic shoots right through you.

“Jongho?” You call his name, firstly with a trembling voice barely above a whisper but then it turns louder and louder until you are practically screaming. 

No answer.

Hot tears of pure fear roll down your cheeks as you desperately call his name once more and then, you hear it. The sound of running water.

Without thinking, you rush to the showers behind the thick wall and then, you finally see him, standing there with nothing but a towel around his waist, water dripping off of his naked and bruised body.

“Jongho,” you whimper pathetically, making him jump in surprise as he finally turns to you, shock written all over his face as he clearly did not expect to see you there.

“Jesus Christ, ______, you scared the living shit out of me!”

A relieved whimper leaves your mouth as you rush to him to pull him into your embrace so you can feel his warmth against your skin through the now-wet clothes.

“You’re okay,” you whisper, pulling away just enough to cup his face into your hands and look inside his beautiful eyes while tears keep falling down yours, clouding up your vision.

Jongho’s eyes turn tender under your gaze, his features softening as he nods his head a couple of times to reassure you.

“I am, of course I am, silly,” he says, his voice sweet as he offers you a little smile, the little nickname tugging at your heartstrings in a familiar way but still, the tears fall on your cheeks as you fail to contain them now that they have been freed from your control.

All the way from home to this place you had been strong, you had tried to keep yourself together and not break under the pressure of your fears but now that you know he’s okay, now that he is standing in front of you, the relief is so deep everything comes pouring out of you like water when the dyke bursts open.

“Hey,” he whispers, touching your nose with the tip of his own, “Why are you crying?”

His hands feel warm against your cheeks, his fingers gentle as they try to dry your tears. You can feel the love in his gaze, in the way he touches you and you feel stupid for doubting the fact that his feelings were growing just like yours were.

“What are you doing here, anyway, mh? Thought I told you not to come?”

Those words that had hurt you, angered you, now turn tender because clearly laced with his worry and sense of guilt over doing this to you every single time he has a fight. You tried to reassure him, hell, you didn’t beg him to stop even when you couldn’t even stand to look at him for more than a few seconds but still, you know it pains him to put you through it all, especially considering your past.

“I tried to stay away but… I was so worried I-it felt so bad and I didn’t know how you were and if you were going to be ok and we…we had that fight earlier and I couldn’t stop thinking about what my last words to you were so I… I just,” your words come barely above a whisper and in a whimpering mess as you lower your gaze to the ground almost in shame for not keeping up with your resolution.

“Sssh, sssh, it’s ok, baby, I’m ok,” his voice is a whisper right atop your head as he pulls you into a tight hug, his lips kissing briefly your forehead as it finally dawns on him. You were scared to lose him just like your mother lost your father. You had shared this fear with him before but he had underestimated its depth and how rooted inside of you it was.

All this time, he thought keeping you away during this tough match would be the best solution for the both of you but, clearly, he was wrong.

He feels you nod your head a couple of times against his chest, he hears the faint sound of a shuddering breath as you try to steady your heart and then he sees a sweet shy smile bloom on your lips and he offers one in return before pressing his forehead on top of yours.

Your heart keeps fluttering in your chest and you don’t know if it’s because he is looking at you like that, because he is still holding you against his half-naked body or because of the little nickname that escaped his lips a few seconds ago. _Baby._ You did not know a single word could do so much to you until he said it for the first time and you felt the heat rush to your cheeks.

“I’m sorry I put you through all that,” he says then, his voice a bit insecure as he takes down the details of your face, the little bruises that bedeck your skin as a perfect mirror to his own.

You shake your head a little as you grasp his cheeks to caress his face, pouring all your feelings for him into the little touch. You’ve had this conversation before, countless times and especially in the past few weeks since your relationship has grown stronger than you ever thought possible.

“Don’t apologize, you know you don’t have to.”

“No, let me, please.” He furrows his brows a little before bumping your noses together so he can breathe in your breath, get lost in the little world you two have created for yourselves where nobody else exists or matters, “I am sorry and I promise I’ll get even better so you won’t have to worry about me again. I don’t want to hurt you,” his last words are barely above a whisper and they get sealed by a tender kiss on your mouth that erases all thoughts from inside your usually busy mind.

You smile into the kiss, pulling him into you a little bit further touched by his words and the sudden realization that this match that had divided you earlier was a victorious one.

“My champion,” you whisper then as he leaves your lips and soon after, he is laughing his hearty laugh, the one that always makes you feel all fuzzy inside.

It’s in that moment that you truly realize how incredibly deeply you have fallen for this body and maybe he can feel it inside his heart or maybe the emotion was already there, blooming out of him naturally as it felt like yours did but suddenly, you can see it back in his eyes and it steals your breath away.

“I love you,” the words leave his mouth before yours can and for a second you feel absolutely dizzy. Three months was all it took for your hatred to turn into love and for him to actually say it out loud.

Three months was all it took for your life to change, be turned upside down and morphed into something you would have never imagined possible.

“I love you, too.” 

Your eyes looked up at him almost in surprise as you said it back, as you unveiled completely your soul for the second time to him, leaving it completely bare for him to see and hold in his grasp.

And then, you were kissing him full on the mouth, pulling on his hair to drag him closer and closer and his hands were firmly hugging your curves, pressing you into him so you could feel every muscle of his strong body encompassing you whole.

You sighed into the kiss, abandoning yourself to the heavenly sensation of his mouth claiming yours, of his tongue dancing along with your own as your breath turned laboured, as your heart burst within your ribcage.

You had kissed boys before but it had never felt like this and you soon realized it could have never compared.

The sensation of his hands on you was doubled by the feeling of your hands on him, your pleasure was augmented by his very own and every caress, every single touch, brought double the emotion it usually would and for weeks now you had been wondering how it would feel like to have him inside of you, rocking into your core until you were crying out his name.

You have spent nights thinking about it, touching yourself and wondering if he could feel you doing it, if it woke him up feeling hot and bothered and desperate for his own release and in this moment, having him like this and finally registering how very little clothing he has own, you find it impossible to resist.

You want him, _all of him_ , and desperately so.

You slowly open your eyes while pecking his lips over and over again, every little kiss lasting a bit more than the last one.

His pupils are blown out, the desire sparkling in them mirroring yours to sheer perfection.

His cheeks have turned pink, his lips swollen and slick with the mixture of your saliva and he looks so utterly irresistible you can’t help but fall on your knees right in front of him, your hands brushing down against his torso, the firm muscles of his abdomen and then stopping, right above the hem of the towel concealing his nudity.

He takes in a sharp breath, his body shuddering as his flesh gets covered in goosebumps as you look up at him so expectantly, wetting your lips in anticipation.

“What are you doing?” He whispers, the neediness in his voice making your insides knot together with lewd desire.

“I’m going to make you feel real good,” you say in response, a wicked smile painted on your lips as you slowly undo the little knot around his waist to free him from the garment and take him all in for the very first time.

Your eyes immediately fix on the erection standing tall between his legs, so hard and beautiful in all its glory.

The tip of his cock is tainted a nice shade of pink and you lick your lips once more, foretasting how it will feel lodged deep down your throat.

You hear him take another shuddering breath, his chest heaving as you ever so slowly reach out for his cock and encompass it with your fingers.

The hiss that escapes his mouth turns you bolder with your actions and you start to pump him, slowly and deeply, dragging your fingers from the base of his cock up to the head to brush your thumb on top of and make him groan in utter pleasure.

The sounds that escape his mouth are almost needy whines and they spread arousal within your stomach like liquid fire to the point you start feeling desperate for some friction.

“Baby,” he whimpers then before gulping down heavily as you look up at him with the most innocent expression painted on your face, “What if somebody walks in?” He asks, his eyes darting to the entrance of the bathroom as if fearing someone might pop up there right this instant.

Your response makes him moan obnoxiously loud and a small smile of victory paints itself on your lips, now wrapped around his cock.

You bat your eyes in feigned innocence as you hollow your cheeks around him, moaning at the sensation of his sex so fully filling up your mouth and then, you start bobbing your head up and down, maintaining eye contact to bask in every pleasure-induced shift in his features.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he whines, closing his eyes as his head rolls backwards in utter ecstasy.

You watch his abdomen contract as you slurp around him louder, as you pick up your pace fighting against your gag reflex just to watch him come undone before you.

He is a sight to behold. His hair is ruffled, still partly wet from the quick shower he took, his eyes are closed, eyelashes fluttering on his pinks cheeks. His mouth is open into a silent moan and you can see how frequently he gulps down to steady himself.

He is gorgeous and he is _yours_.

One of his hands suddenly flies to your hair, grasping it tightly to guide still your head as he starts rolling his hips into your face, fucking your mouth like you imagined him doing in your wet dreams.

You hum and grunt around his shaft as it moves relentlessly inside your mouth, you feel the saliva drip down your chin as your jaw slacks for him, allowing him to reach even further down your throat.

His excitement builds your own to the point you fear you might combust soon, neediness for some attention down your core making it hard to stay perfectly still for him, allow him to reach his high while you still have to feel his hands pressed against your hot skin.

His hips begin to falter then and you close your eyes, ready to welcome his taste in your mouth for the very first time, his impending release feeling absolutely heavenly for you as well.

And then, he is pulling back out of your mouth as your lips close around him with a lewd pop, almost trying to keep him right in place.

“Not like this,” he whispers, his breath shallow as he reaches for you to pull you back on your own two feet and crash his lips atop yours.

The kiss is fierce but sloppy and it makes you moan unabashedly for him whilst his fingers reach down your back to grasp and squeeze your bottom cheeks.

“I want you,” he admits with a groan as he pushes you flat against his body, his erection tall between your abdomens, slightly pressing down your own aching core.

“Then take me,” you whisper back before biting on his bottom lip, dragging it down until it almost hurts, making him hiss in both arousal and subtle pain.

“Here?” He asks, gulping down as he looks right inside your eyes, his gaze hazed with the missed orgasm and the desire to give in to it all right here, right now.

“I heard shower sex is dangerous,” you speak softly, taunting him with your lips brushing against his as you whisper your next words, “But right now, I’m willing to take the risk.”

You do not need to add anything more for his hands to turn passionate and needy on your flesh like they have never been before.

His fingers masterfully strip you of your clothes, tugging on every piece of garment you are covered with until they fall on the ground one by one, revealing more of your flesh to him with each passing second.

Your underwear is simple, white with a little lacing detailing and even though it is not your best set by any means, it still leaves Jongho completely breathless before you.

“You are so beautiful,” he muses to himself, his words turning your cheeks hot to the touch as you sharply take a breath in, shivering under his intense gaze.

His hands are so warm on your naked flesh it almost burns you but you want more, always more.

You close your eyes and tilt your head back as he starts kissing your neck, slowly trailing down until he is savouring the soft flesh atop your clavicles while his fingers pull down your bra to reveal your soft breasts and the hardened buds waiting for his mouth to claim them.

As if reading your thoughts, Jongho starts kissing down your chest while palming your ass, his tongue darting out of his mouth to lick hot trails atop your breasts.

A hearty moan escapes your mouth as he envelopes one of your nipples with his gorgeous plump lips and tugs on it until it is almost too much to bear.

“Jongho,” you whimper out his name and he smirks on your flesh as he resumes his trail of kisses all over your torso, slowly inching down until he is licking the skin right atop the hem of your underwear, teasing you just enough for you to turn impatient and grasp his hair in utter need.

“ _Please_ ,” you plead in a soft whisper as he slowly drags down your underwear so he can finally get a glimpse of the treasure nestled between your legs.

His breath fans your wet sex as he mutters the word ‘perfect’ to himself and you shudder in response, closing your eyes just as he presses a soft kiss on top of your mound.

“I want to feel you inside of me,” you blatantly admit with a needy whine that makes him grunt in response.

You can hear him curse under his breath, you see the effect your words have on him, how his cock twitched slightly at your provocative remark and before you know it, he is guiding you inside the shower, the water hot against your bare flesh as he pushes you inside until your back is flat against the tiled wall and you are shivering in a mix of sensations: the warmth of the water, the coldness of the wall, the excitement boiling inside of you and the desperate need to quench its thirst.

Jongho’s arms stand on either side of your face as he kisses you once more, deeply, lovingly, passionately.

You lose yourself into the sensation of his mouth pressed against yours so perfectly, you lose yourself in the way his palms fit around your body as if they had been made for that only purpose and you completely lose yourself in the way he whispers your name every now and then, completely rapt by you.

A sigh of ecstasy escapes your lips as he presses his forehead on the curve of your neck, planting sweet kisses on the soft flesh as his fingers trace your aching core, tease your dripping slit and get acquainted with the most intimate part of your body.

The moment his first digit moves past your lips, you are filled with unadulterated bliss

You gulp down heavily as your walls easily adjust around him, allowing him to push another one of his long fingers within your sex, stretching and curling inside of you as if they belonged there all along. A part of you believes that they do.

Nothing has ever felt as perfect as this moment and as you whimper out his name, he starts pumping those fingers in and out of you watching you with rapt eyes as pleasure spreads all over your features, granting him the most beautiful sight he has ever witnessed.

 _This_ is what they all talked about. The sensation of your pleasure amplified by his aching desire, the unmatched feeling of being one soul split into two, the desperate need to merge and become one again and never let go of one another ever again.

A needy sob moves past your lips and Jongho kisses you fully on the mouth as he hastily removes his fingers from within your walls, ready as you are to replace them with his turgid cock.

His forehead is pressed against yours, his nose bumping into the tip of your own, your lips almost brushing against each other as he slowly drags his length on top of your sex, coats it with your arousal before pushing it inside of you inch after inch.

You sigh in ecstasy and he grunts as he gulps down heavily, his eyes trained on yours to gauge your reaction as he pushes himself deep inside of you.

“You’re so big,” you whimper, closing your eyes as the tip of his cock hits your pleasure spot, cutting the air out of your lungs.

Jongho bites down your shoulder and pushes himself all the way inside of you, pressing hard against the deep spark of your pleasure until you are moaning out his name, begging him to move and push you over the edge right along with him.

He slowly pulls himself almost completely out of you, making you shudder at the sudden empty feeling and then, he snaps right back into you, pushing you further into the wall as he hits that perfect spot with utter precision.

His pace is slow, deliberately dragged out just so he can hear you sigh and beg for him over and over again until he thinks he might go insane and bring you down with him before you even get the chance to reach that yearned high.

“Baby,” he whispers in your ear, prompting you to open up your eyes and stare up at him as he palms your bottom cheeks to lift you up and make you tower over him.

Your legs automatically wrap around his waist and he pushes inside of you hard, going even deeper than you thought possible.

Your eyes roll back and you moan loudly at the new added pressure inside of you.

“Fuck,” he groans as he looks up at you, his hips snapping up to meet your sex with new-found fervour aroused by your walls, madly contracting around his sensitive erection, “You feel so good, baby.”

You’d love to respond to his words, tell him exactly how good he feels as well but you find it impossible to form coherent words when he is driving into you with such fierceness, stealing your breath over and over again.

So what you do is moan out his name over and over again while he kisses your neck, grasps tighter your bottom cheeks.

It almost feels like too much. Too much pleasure, too much desire, just too much of everything but at the same time, it is utterly perfect and it scares you a little that you do not want this to end, that you want to feel him lodged deep within your core for the rest of your days.

Your arms encircle his neck at the thought, your eyes searching his as if to convey all your thoughts to him through your gaze.

He grunts as you roughly kiss his swollen lips, as you let your tongue search his, dance with it and then roll out of his mouth to lick his lips instead, rousing him even further.

His breathing is shallow, his hips snapping into you even faster as you feel your orgasms approaching quickly to tint everything pearly white.

Your nails dig into the skin of his back as he stills for a second inside of you, pressing hard against your pleasure spot and turning your vision black.

The sound that comes out of your mouth then is loud and hearty and it sends shivers down Jongho spine, impressing in his memory as the most beautiful sound he has ever heard, surpassing even your cute laughter.

He can feel your orgasm approaching before his own and when it comes, rushing down your quivering body, he can feel it mirrored in his body and in an instant, he is shooting right into you, cumming hard and deep inside your core, painting your walls in white perfect stripes.

He whispers your name as you whisper his, his heart beating erratically in his chest to the exact tempo of your own.

You have never felt a pleasure so deep before, not when you were with other partners, not even when you were pleasuring yourself knowing exactly how and where to touch.

“That was perfect,” you whisper as he releases you from his grasp so you can stand on your own two feet, albeit a little wobbly.

A little whimper leaves your lips as you feel his cock leave your sex in its limp form. The sudden loss almost makes you reach out for him, beg him to remain well sheathed inside of you for the rest of your lives but even in your dazed state, that sounds absurd so you remain silent, watching his every move as he takes a few steps back from you, his eyes moving up and down your naked body.

“You are perfect,” he says then, shyness suddenly pouring out of him as he keeps staring at you, almost not believing that you are his and that you just had your first time together—in his changing room’s shower, even!

You offer him a little smile, reaching out your hand to grasp his and pull him back towards you so you can still feel his body heat on your naked flesh.

“I love you,” you whisper then, grasping the courage to say it first knowing exactly how deep those words are going to affect him and, in return, yourself.

They feel like a seal on your relationship, like a promise for a future together that you had never deemed possible before.

They feel like forever and no more true words have ever left your mouth.

“Say that again,” he begs then, closing his eyes while resting his forehead on top of yours.

There is a subtle hint of pain in the way he asks for more and it makes your heart feel small in your chest. Did he really not know? Did he really doubt where your heart laid up until this moment? Hadn’t you shown him enough through your actions?

You did not know but you realized that it didn’t matter because now, you could tell him a hundred times, thousands of times, even millions while meaning it every single time.

“I love you, Choi Jongho.”


End file.
